Kamala by Joan Bowes
There once was a Harris so fine,
Kamala, career fighting crime,
She spoke with great flair,
Of justice in air,
And her opponents all shriveled in time.
Cabbage by Anonymous
I found this in an end-of-school yearbook from 1993. The author chose to remain anonymous. I'm not sure if it's nonsense, or just weirdly cabbage-obsessed.
Cabbage, oh cabbage, so crinkly and grey
You grow in the garden, in a most curious way
Your leaves are like hats, all pointy and fine
And your stem is a pipe, that's just divine
You're a snack for the rabbits, who hop with glee
When they munch on your florets, as happy as can be
But beware of the squirrels, who chatter with flair
They'll steal your sweet secrets, and stash them in their hair
In the depths of the fridge, you sit so serene
A chilled-out king of the crisper, a true cabbage queen
You're the perfect accompaniment, to a hearty old stew
Or as a crown for the dinner plate, all crunchy and new
Cabbage, oh cabbage, so curvy and bright
You're a vegetable vision, that's just out of sight
In the land of the lunchbox, you're a treasured find
A tasty little bundle, of crunch and of kind
Oh, cabbage, oh cabbage, how I adore your charms
You're a whimsical wonder, that always disarms
My seriousness, my worries, my doubts and my fears
For in your crinkly, curly, cabbagey presence, I shed tears!
Country-Style Weather by AI
I was playing with ChatGPT, and asked it to write a nonsense poem about the weather, in a Country music style. Here's what it came up with.
Well, shucks, the sun's gone missin' again
Left me feelin' like my heart's been pinched and spun
Rain clouds gatherin', thunder rolls around
Makin' me wanna holler, "Oh, Lord, I'm gettin' drowned!"
Fog's rollin' in, misty veil on the ground
I can't see nothin' but a bunch of foggy sound
Wind's howlin' like a coyote at my door
Tellin' me to grab my guitar and ride some more
Sleetin' snowflakes swirlin', dancin' in the air
Freeze my boots off, I ain't got nothin' there
Lightnin' flashin' bright, thunder boom-boomin'
I'm just tryin' to get on down the country road, hummin'
Mornin' fog's liftin', sun starts shinin' bright
Crisp as a freshly ironed shirt, feelin' just right
Breeze blowin' gentle, leaves rustlin' in trees
Oh, Lord have mercy, it's a fine-lookin' breeze!
What do you think, does this herald the end, or are poets safe from AI for the moment?
Nuclear by Donald Trump
This wasn't intentional poetry, nor intentional nonsense, yet it is wildly successful at being both.
Look, having nuclear
my uncle was a great professor
and
scientist and engineer,
Dr. John Trump at MIT;
good genes,
very good genes,
OK, very smart,
the Wharton School of Finance,
very good,
very smart
you know, if you’re a conservative Republican,
if I were a liberal,
if,
like,
OK,
if I ran as a liberal Democrat,
they would say
I’m one of the
smartest
people anywhere in the world
it’s true!
but when you’re a conservative Republican they try
oh, do they do a number
that’s why I always start off:
Went to Wharton,
was a good student,
went there,
went there,
did this,
built a fortune
you know I have to give my like credentials all the time,
because we’re a little disadvantaged
but you look at the nuclear deal,
the thing that really bothers me
it would have been so easy,
and it’s not as important as these lives are
(nuclear is powerful;
my uncle explained that
to me many, many years ago,
the power and that was 35 years ago;
he would explain the power
of what’s going to happen
and he was right
who would have thought?),
but
when you look at what’s going on
with the four prisoners
now it used to be three,
now it’s four
but when it was three
and even now,
I would have said
it’s all in the messenger;
fellas,
and it is fellas because,
you know,
they don’t,
they haven’t figured
that the women are smarter
right now
than the men,
so,
you know,
it’s gonna take them
about another 150 years
but the Persians are great negotiators,
the Iranians are great negotiators,
so,
and they,
they just killed,
they just killed us.
Purple Cow by Gelett Burgess
I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one.
A Tail by Joan Bowes
In a land of whimsy and tail-wagging glee,
A puzzled pup chased his tail with pure glee,
Round and round he spun in circular delight,
His fur in a tangle, oh what a sight!
Barking and yelping with laughter so grand,
Trying to catch that elusive tail with his paw in hand,
But alas, it slipped away with a mischievous twist,
Leaving the pup in a dizzying, tail-chasing bliss!
Irk by Ivor Cutler
Hello Mr Robinson.
Hello Mr Cutler
have a cup of tea
then
we’ll look at Mrs Robinson
who’s lying dead
next door.
(the next day)
Hello Mrs Robinson.
Hello Mr Cutler
have a cup of tea —
sorry about yesterday.
Verbs by Joan Bowes
In a land of whimsy the verbs they did prance,
Conjugating merrily in a wild dance.
The past, present, and future entwined,
Creating chaos in the grammar of their mind.
Irregulars and regulars all in a mix,
Twisting and turning linguistic tricks.
Subject and object in a tangled orgy,
Their journey through time as erratic as can be.
In the end, agreement was reached on their fate,
As the verbs settled down in their conjugate state.
Inside by Ray Wilson
I always loved the lyrics of Inside by Stiltskin. Complete nonsense, but they make a strange kind of sense.
Swing low In a dark glass hour
You turn and cower
See it turn to dust
Move on a stone dark night
We take to flight
Snowfall turns to rust
Seam in a fusing mine
Like a nursing rhyme
Fat man starts to fall
Here in a hostile place
I hear your face start to call
And if you think
That I've been losing my way
That's because I'm slightly blinded
And if you think
That I don't make too much sense
That's because I'm broken minded
Don't keep it...
Inside
If you believe it
Don't keep it all inside
Strong words
In a ganges sky
I have to lie
Shadows move in pairs
Ring out from a bruised postcard
In the shooting yard
Looking through the tears
Out of a black slate time
We move in line
But never reach an end
Fall in a long stray town
As the ice comes down
River starts to bend
And if you think
That I've been losing my way
That's because I'm slightly blinded
And if you think
That I don't make too much sense
That's because I'm broken minded
Don't keep it...
Inside
If you believe it
Don't keep it all inside.
Springtime by Joan Bowes
This might not be nonsense, but I wanted to share it anyway.
In springtime when the flowers bloom,
The bees dance in the afternoon.
Their buzzing hum fills the air,
As daisies sprout without a care.
The sun shines bright, the sky so clear,
Butterflies flutter, spreading cheer.
The trees sway gently in the breeze,
As squirrels frolic among the leaves.
Rainbows appear after the showers,
Bringing joy to all the flowers.
The birds chirp a melodious song,
Welcoming spring all day long.
The world awakens, bursting with life,
Amidst the beauty, free from strife.
And so we revel in this season,
Where magic lies in every reason.
Oh, spring, we cherish your embrace,
For in your arms, we find grace.
Hi!
I'm Joan, an English grad from Manchester, UK.
I fell in love with nonsense poetry when I read The Owl and the Pussycat by Edward Lear and have been trying to write nonsense myself every since.
This is my little space dedicated to the art of nonsense and poetry and nonsense poetry.
I'll try to share some nonsense every week. One day I might subject you to some of my own.